Obi at the Opera!
by Michelle Kenobi
Summary: Rated R for ONE BAD WORD only! Obi sings about being a padawan. To the tune of that "Figaro" song from "The Barber of Seville."


February, 2000 

TITLE: "Obi At the Opera!" Part 1/1   
AUTHOR: Michelle Kenobi   
AUTHOR E-MAIL: ZincOxideGirl@Yahoo.com   
FEEDBACK: Please support a starving "writer."   
CATEGORY: Song Parody, Mild Humor (I guess, uh… I hope)   
KEYWORDS: Obi-Wan, Kenobi, humor, song, music   
SPOILERS: Not unless you have no clue what a Jedi is.   
RATING: R (because I say ONE "bad" word… repeatedly)   
TIMING: Obi-Wan is a cocky 18 year old.   
ARCHIVE: OKEB, anyone else just tell me :-)   
DISCLAIMER: George Lucas owns everything, including my wallet so I am making no money here. "Il Barbiere di Siviglia" ("The Barber of Seville") was written by the great Master, Gioacchino Rossini, and is one of the few things in this world that George Lucas does NOT own.   
AUTHOR'S NOTES: "Largo al factotum…", known more simply as The Figaro Song, is a REALLY fun song to sing. I highly suggest it. I wrote this partly because of my love of this song, and also to remind us that anything can be fun, even the opera! It actually took me longer to write this than I expected because I had to write lines that would actually fit into the complicated rhythm and rhyme scheme of this song. It also took a while to count the stupid "La"s. So I hope you enjoy it!   
SUMMARY: Obi-Wan Kenobi sings (sort of) about the intrigues of being a Jedi/Padawan.   
  
OBI AT THE OPERA! 

(Upbeat instrumental introduction)  
(From a far off distance Obi-Wan's voice is barely audible) 

"Make way!"… "Lalala!"… "Outta my way, please."… "Lalala!" 

(He appears)   
(Music builds then stops waiting for his cue)   
(As soon as he begins, the music continues) 

"Make way for Obi-Wan, Padawan of… QUI-GON!   
La la la la la la la la la LA!   
Hastening-faster-than-light-speed to reach… the TE-mple.   
La la la la la la la la la LA!   
Ah, what an existence   
To meet no resistance   
To meet no resistance…   
'Cause I'm a Jedi…   
Outta my way!   
Outta my way! 

Ah, Bravo Obi-Wan!   
Bravo, bravissimo. BRAVO!   
La la la la la la la la la LA!   
You're so magnifico. Nothing to fear. BRA-vo!   
La la la la la la la la la LA!   
You're so appealing, the fans' polls are in.   
And so reveali-ing in leggings so thin.   
La la la la.   
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la laaaaa…   
(short instrumental)   
Ready for action   
Love and attraction.   
Great satisfaction   
In my career   
I get the honors,   
I get the ladies.   
A life more noble?   
Nothing comes near   
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la   
la laaaaa!… (I counted 22 very   
fast "La"s… phew!) 

Brown robes and lightsabers,   
CK 1, Lifesavers,   
I sing this line so the next part will rhyme.   
If Darth Maul's shovin'   
Or you need lovin'   
Call ol' Kenobi for a good time. 

(Tempo slows, and music quiets down)   
(Music style is now more emotional) 

Then there's my Qui-Gon…   
Oh,… what a LOOKer.   
Beautiful Qui-Gon…   
Beats any hooker. 

(sensuously) 

SPOKEN: Perfect… (whisper)   
SUNG: like a painting.   
La la la la la laaa.   
SPOKEN: Sexy… (hoarsely)   
SUNG: Think I'm fainting…   
(passionate)   
La la La la LA la la-la-la-la la la la-a-a-a…   
La… LA… LAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! 

(tempo picks up)   
(lovely flutes begin to play) 

Ah, what an existence!   
Off'ring assistance,   
Off'ring assistance…   
To my favorite Jedi…   
Saving the day!   
Saving the day! 

Everyone wants me.   
Well, they want a Jedi.   
But, technically,…   
Everyone wants me. 

(Tempo upbeat, happy) 

Slice with my saber…   
Save a few Gungans…   
What'd I do THAT for?   
Grab a few spear guns…   
"Dis" a few lifeforms…   
Whine about Ani. 

(double-time) 

Spear a few Gungans, Dismember Sith guys.   
My face on products of countless franchise.   
Obi-Wan lollipops! Obi on TV guide!   
All these dumb gimmicks, but fans are not satisfie- 

"OOOOOO-bi Wan!…" (Obi-Wan sings in a mocking tone)   
"OOOOOO-bi Wan!…"   
"Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan, Obiwan-Obiwan-Obiwan-Obiwan-  
Obiwan-"   
"OOOOOOOBI-WAAAAAN!!!!" 

Oh me! Oh my! Whatta frenzy!   
Oh, Sith-spawn, what lunacy!   
One at a time, please.   
For Force's sake!   
FOR FORCE'S SAKE!   
FOR FORCE'S SAKE!   
One at a time, please.   
Too many groupies.   
One at a time please.   
For Force's sake!   


"Hey, OBI-WAN!" (mock tone) "Save me!"   
"No, Obi-Wan! Save ME!"   
Autograph here. Save the world there!   
Qui-Gon love here. Chem. homework there!   
"Obi-wan. Here!" "Obi Wan. BED!"   
"OBI-WAN. There!" OBI-WAN DEAD! 

(wild look in his eyes) 

Rushing for training,   
Rushing to class,   
If-only this alien thing   
Would-move his fat ass!   
HIS FAT ASS!   
HIS FAT ASS!   
HIS FAT ASS!   
HIS FAT ASS! 

(coughs)   
(resumes, a bit more calm) 

SPOKEN: But, still…   
SUNG: (really, really fast)   
Ah Bravo, Obi-Wan!   
So quick and nimble!   
Handsome and skillful,   
pMy own sex symbol!   
With an ass   
With an ass   
For this ass   
You'd sell your soul. 

La la la la la la-La la la la la la-La la la la la la-La la   
la la la la- 

For this aaaaaass.   
For this aaaaaass.   
For this aaaaaass.   
They'd-all sell their soul. 

(big finale ending) 

You want to be ME-E, but you're NO-OT!   
I am so-o happy, with what I GO-OT!   
WITH. WHAT. I. GOT!   
WITH. WHAT. I. GOT!   
I AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM   
Soooooooooooo……   
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!! 

(Applause) 

* * *

**This story has been accessed times since March 13th, 2000.**


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